Tuesday, October 03, 2006 // Tuesday, October 03, 2006
i guess all my results are back except for GP which is a subject which i know i'm bound to fail terribly..i guess i deserve tat..since young i was neva good in english and i really regretted not brushing up my english standards..if time could jus turn back, i wld try reading storybooks and newspapers..at least i wld not be stuck at this stupid plight..getting results is bad enuf..wad's worse is that hearing ur frens getting better results than u..human nature..we tend to compete with one another..not as i wanted to admit how competitive i am, i really feel upset after knowing tat all of them were actually scoring higher grades and topping every subject..i'm jus plain stupid..plain jealously..how to tell others abt this feeling i have within me? ppl will jus see u as competitive person..ppl will jus think tat u can't afford to lose..well tat's the reason why i chose to kept mum abt these..who wants to have tis feeling? i dun wan to..i jus feel this NATURALLY !!! furthermore ppl often say that they are going to die, flunk this test but ended up scoring high marks..we tend to doubt these ppl again..maybe i'm also one of these ppl..there's only one happy thing today which is my 11th month anniversary..but the sad thing is i chose to ask him a wrong question..how i wish i didn't ask that question..at least i won't feel so uncomfortable now..i can't really forget the past..i guess it's got to do with my perception of lurve..i wan a guy who has all his firsts with me...i jus cant accept the fact of having so many past relationships..it jus makes me pause and think whether he is true towards u..it is very seldom of me to think in this way probably i'm jus affected by outsiders words..ppl will jus go lyke," won't u mind if he done this and this bfr with a ger? it's obvious tat i mind..the most frustrating thing is tat u can't change the past..u hate it but u can't change it..it's so irritating..if time cld jus turn back again, i wld stop all these crap frm happening..time..time...i need time to accept all these..i can't really pretend all these didn;t happen at all..and i know tat if i mind his past, he wld also mind mine..i'm really trying hard to accept that..i jus need time..how long? i'm not sure..jus give me time since i can't reverse time anymore...
